Today and yesterday

Today and yesterday were good days. I feel good.

I did break down a little after we went to visit my dad the day before yesterday though. My dad only wanted to sit up and hang his legs off the side of the bed for a little bit and it took all of his energy to do it and he had to catch his breath again afterwards. It was a nightmare to see. Imagine not being able to not take in the oxygen that you need.. It is a horrible thought, but its for real. I cried, and I told my mom that it just feels like he isn't going to make it through all of this. She said he isn't, and we have to try to start accepting it for what it is. It was so in my face, and I think I'm dealing with it now. Its like when something is said out loud its more acceptable? I don't know.

I have so much respect for my mom. She is being stronger than ever. I can not think of any other woman being such a good wife to her husband. And she's still so in love with him after like 20 years. I guess you realise how much you love and need something when something threatens to take it away from you. She's being a good mom too as well as running my dad's business. She has a lot on her plate and I don't know how she does it all. She says she decided to be strong for my dad because he needs to see that we're doing okay. So she's showing him that she's okay. Don't know how she does it.

They gave him steroid injections into his lungs (at separate times) and he's breathing a lot easier now. He came home this morning, and we got him oxygen to use here at home so he's doing pretty good. Looks like the old him - just with an oxygen pipe in his nose. I love him so much.

The chemo will start on Tuesday it seems.

We'll see how that goes..

I'm positive though. Happy to see him on his spot on the couch watching his sport. It makes me feel nice to know he's comfortable.

I had a bit of a downer the other day. I thought about the time he helped me catch guppies in a rock pond by the ocean, and the time he made me a fishing rod out of bamboo and just attached a line with a hook to it - I tried to 'cast' my line and somehow the hook got caught in his neck! (But it didn't go in deep, don't worry LOL)

Then I reminded myself that I'm not going to have many more of those great times with him, and that things are gonna go downhill from here. I'm such a pessimist, I hate it. We never know, I mean the chemo might work and we'll have him for many more years to come, and we can make more great memories.

He is just the greatest. :)